Marjorie
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Member since 2011. Surgery & Conservative
Posts: 5,724
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Post by Marjorie on Nov 5, 2013 17:42:57 GMT -7
Oh, Carmen, I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear this. She's never left my mind all day. My sincerest condolences to you.
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Post by Jean & Mimi on Nov 5, 2013 17:52:53 GMT -7
I am so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. She is waiting for you at the rainbow bridge.
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 5, 2013 18:04:19 GMT -7
her heart didnt handle the surgery. I am devastated bc I left her alone. I didn't know. I just thought she would come home. i am so sick....my heart is broken. she went into cardiac arrest.
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Marjorie
Moderator~
Member since 2011. Surgery & Conservative
Posts: 5,724
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Post by Marjorie on Nov 5, 2013 18:14:41 GMT -7
There was no way you could have known, Carmen. Please don't blame yourself. The vets told you that she was healthy and a good candidate for surgery. You did the best you could for Josie, even going into debt to give her the surgery to relieve her pain. She had a good home and was very much loved and that's all any dog could ask for. She knew how much you loved her and she was very lucky to have had you in her life. It's not your fault that she was born with this disease. My heart goes out to you in your grief.
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Post by Jean & Mimi on Nov 5, 2013 18:16:09 GMT -7
You decided on the surgery because it is what you felt would make her better and she knew that you were only doing what you thought was best. You didnt leave her alone, you were trying to make her well. She is watching you now and running around like a puppy. She is sending you her love and will greet you someday.
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Post by Samantha & Shorty on Nov 5, 2013 18:44:26 GMT -7
It is easy to blame yourself in these situations because you need someone or something to blame. You are an excellent mom and you were doing everything possible for her and she knows that. She is now pain free and running happy!!
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Post by Nancy & Polly on Nov 5, 2013 19:19:32 GMT -7
I am so very sorry. You were doing everything possible to help her. Surgery has risks that we just can't predict. Know that she was in no pain when she passed. My thoughts are with you.
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Post by gretasmom on Nov 5, 2013 19:25:59 GMT -7
I am so very sorry for your loss. (huggg)
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Post by Pauliana on Nov 5, 2013 20:02:20 GMT -7
Carmen,
Sending prayers for your comfort.. Please don't blame yourself, Josie wouldn't want you to.. She is safe and warm in your heart where she will always remain..
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 5, 2013 20:39:31 GMT -7
I feel so sad...so deeply sad. I have three other dogs: two more rescue doxies and a rescue basset. They are all wondering where she is. I also lost my cat 6 weeks ago. I feel so empty and wish I had been able to be there for her. My friend said she KNEW I was her last touch anf face..her favorite person before she went into pain free "mode"....but how do I know she forgives me?/ HOW do I move past guilt. i am so sad and lost. The vets who dx'd her with disc disease picked her up for me tonight (they were in the area of her hospital which is over hour away from me) and are bringing her by in 30 minutes so I can touch her and then again in morning so my 8 year old an say goodbye. I am blessed for such support here this past 6 days, my family and friends...but even after 12 years in animal welfare work, seeing this over and over...I am truly heartbroken.
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Post by Pauliana on Nov 5, 2013 21:16:50 GMT -7
It hurts so much to lose her and it is a very empty feeling, I know, having lost my share of beloved pets through the years.. It never does get easier. After all they steal our hearts the minute we fall for them. They take so much of our hearts when they leave us.. She was family to you. You WERE there for her,your heart was with her and to a dog that means everything. Dogs don't assign blame to the people they love, that is how I know.. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Take all the time you need to grieve and be easy on yourself.. You didn't do anything wrong. You were only trying to help her and she knows that.
The following poem is inspired by this Norse Legend
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill, Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still. Where the friends of man and woman do run, When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next, Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest. On this golden land, they wait and they play, Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness, For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness. Their limbs are restored, their health renewed, Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care, Until one day they start, and sniff at the air. All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back, Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met; Together again, both person and pet. So they run to each other, these friends from long past, The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart, Has turned into joy once more in each heart. They embrace with a love that will last forever, And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.
-- Steve and Diane Bodofsky --
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lupi
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Post by lupi on Nov 5, 2013 21:38:07 GMT -7
I am so, so sorry that you had to go through all this. Your little girl absolutely knew you were trying to help her, and you truly did all you could for her. At least she is finally free of that tremendous pain. You gave her that gift.
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 6, 2013 5:31:19 GMT -7
Thank you....everyone. I have put 5 pets down in the past bc of sickness or suffering...and I always said "God can't you just let one go without me having to do it for them??" and I guess he answered my prayer. Not in the way I wanted...but in his way. my vets happened to be in nashville last night for a dinner and they went to the surgeon and got her for me so I could say goodbye and so could my pack of three and my son. It is my little josie bear's body....curled into a ball like she always slept...but the life is surely gone. I just always have to have that closure...and my son needed it too. My vet will pick her up and take her for cremation this morning and I will rest her next to my cat who passed a few weeks ago. In the window in the sunshine. I feel so shocked and lost. I know this will past and I am grateful for all of your support. thank you so much for trying to get us through this.....
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PaulaM
Moderator.
Member since 2007: surgery, conservative . Montana, USA
Posts: 19,593
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Post by PaulaM on Nov 6, 2013 12:00:33 GMT -7
Carmen, I'm so sorry to hear about Josie. There really are no words to take your pain away. That is something Josie will help you with in time. She is now forever in a warm and safe place… your loving heart and memory. She's watching over you and may she soon begin to help you and your family learn to laugh again as you think about all of her funny antics and her unique personality. There is a lovely website called the Dachshund Memorial Garden where you and your son can pay tribute and even place a photo. Many touching poems to help in this time of grief: www.dachshundmemorialgarden.com((warmest of hugs)) to you. Godspeed Josie.
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 7, 2013 6:19:13 GMT -7
Thank you again for all of your guidance and help. I carry the burden of grief and guilt....i am trying to move past it. thank you.
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StevieLuv
Helpful Member
Conservative Treatment 3x. It really does work!
Posts: 1,335
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Post by StevieLuv on Nov 7, 2013 20:32:58 GMT -7
Carmen, I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts so much to lose a beloved friend and the shock is so much worse when it is unexpected. Josie will always be with you - love never dies. My favourite bit of verse - I don't know the author...
"Grieve not, nor think of me with tears, But laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you, For I loved you so, T'was Heaven here with you"
My deepest sympathies (((hugs)))
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 9, 2013 19:23:26 GMT -7
Today is the first day I didn't bawl every time I thought of her. I got her ashes back last night...is it weird I find comfort in seeing her bones?? I have an 8 year old son I have taught everything I can about compassion, rescue, sadness, happiness etc of animals. He felt the bag of ashes....looked at it....asked me about it. I mean...I let him hold her deceased body and he was so at peace after I can't imagine keeping her ashes from her. I am reading a book about Heaven and animals...I find great relief in knowing she is waiting for me. If you move me to another forum will I get a notice? She's not conservative anymore.... she's deceased but I need all of you still.
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PaulaM
Moderator.
Member since 2007: surgery, conservative . Montana, USA
Posts: 19,593
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Post by PaulaM on Nov 9, 2013 19:34:57 GMT -7
If this thread should be moved to a different board you would get a private message letting you know. As long as you bookmark this thread, you will get an email message whenever someone replies.
It does take time to grieve so permit yourself that. It is so good of you to teach your son… the good parts and the painful parts are all part of life.
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Post by Pauliana on Nov 9, 2013 20:26:17 GMT -7
We are here for you, Carmen, glad you are still with us. A wonderful way to pay tribute to Josie would be to is to help others here on Dodgerslist.. It might help to fill your empty feeling.
Hugs!!
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lupi
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Post by lupi on Nov 10, 2013 0:15:32 GMT -7
I'm glad you're finding ways to deal with your loss. Peace comes from unexpected sources sometimes. It's wonderful to be able to dwell on happy memories without giving way to tears, but tomorrow may be a tearful day again and that's ok too. We're definitely still here for you, thinking of you and sharing in your sadness, for it's close to all of us when we're forced to deal with the vulnerability of our sweet babies.
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 10, 2013 17:10:49 GMT -7
I bathed all my dogs today...I usually do Josie second...I saw her spot on the couch and went about my business...everyone got bathed and went out to sun and warm and I started cleaning my floors....I wash them on my hands and knees and since she was ALWAYS parked in that spot on the couch I ALWAYS kissed her gently as I made my way by her spot. I order a photo book of her and got it today so we are gathering things for her memory box. this house will never feel the same again. I got this in my email today....it was helpful and I thought I would share.
Here's what the pain of loss has to teach you about aliveness. "Early this morning, I sat staring out my bedroom window at the black silhouette of a lone fisherman casting and recasting his line in the hopes of claiming his treasure from the reservoir below our yard. The last leaves of autumn are making their departure and that may be why I've been focused on death lately. I miss my friend, Debbie Ford. I've been missing her all week. Maybe it's the upcoming holiday season, or the approaching winter and my anticipation of the barren landscape that makes me long for the beauty of spring. Who knows, it could be the alignment of the stars. Grief is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you at the most unexpected times. Earlier this week, as I sat in the car waiting for Michael to come out of a drugstore, a song came on the radio and I burst into tears. It was a new one that debuted on The Voice called, Say Something, by A Great Big World,and it featured the beautiful background vocals of Christina Aguilera. As I listened to the words, I thought about how painful it is to lose someone we love. How desperate we are to know that they're okay, that they're with us, and ultimately that there's life beyond the release of the physical body. I'm still waiting for a sign from Debbie, an irrefutable message that her energy and consciousness lives on and near me. Silly human that I am... I don't mind the sadness though. Over the years I've learned to embrace the hollow clenching of my heart when I think about someone or something I've lost. Time has taught me that my ability to welcome grief is directly related to my ability to welcome love. Because I no longer push away the pain, I've grown to trust myself enough to live through it and this trust frees me to invest more of my heart and soul into my relationships. Being with grief is not easy, though. It can be challenging to let the tears flow, especially when they show up out of nowhere. Like in public. For some reason my grief loves to visit me at the most inconvenient times like when I'm sitting in the car in front of the drugstore with lots of people walking back and forth around me. Don't you hate when that happens? Sometimes I'm brave enough to say what the hell, and I just let the tears flow. Usually I'm not. I short-circuit my grief in favor of managing my embarrassment and end up saving my pain for another day. That's right. Grief doesn't magically disappear when we push it aside. It waits in the shadows, patiently looking for another opportunity to come out and be healed. Oh well. Today I invite grief in. I welcome its teachings, its benevolence, and its ability to connect me with my vulnerable, tender heart. After all, that tenderness is important. It's the aliveness we all secretly long for every single day of our lives..."
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Marjorie
Moderator~
Member since 2011. Surgery & Conservative
Posts: 5,724
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Post by Marjorie on Nov 10, 2013 17:28:34 GMT -7
Thank you so much for sharing that, Carmen - it's lovely. My mom's kitty Molly isn't doing well and she holds a place in my heart as much as any of my own. So I know I'll be facing grief soon once again myself. It's so hard but there are lessons to be learned as we deal with our losses. Opening our hearts to love also opens our hearts to pain of loss but that love is always such a blessings in our lives and is always with us.
I hope each day eases the pain of your loss, Carmen.
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Post by Mary Jane&Kingking on Nov 10, 2013 19:23:12 GMT -7
I just sat here reading your story. I am crying like a baby for your loss. I know that Josie is not in pain and on the Rainbow Bridge. Feel comfort in knowing that you did everything you could for her but God took her pain away. What is the title of the Heaven and dog book? I am praying for you and please know that Josie is in a better place. HUGS!
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Post by Carmen & Josie on Nov 21, 2013 20:09:52 GMT -7
So sorry for delay... I needed a break from sadness. The book Cold Noses at the pearly gates and Goodbye friend. Goodbye friend is a book I bought several of and when close friends lose pets I send it to them to sign and memorialize their pets in and read for comfort. They send it back to me when they feel like they can. Here's my recent blog about grief and losing Josie. I still miss her every single day. carmenhunterhealth.com/blog.html?m
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lupi
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Doing better every day!
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Post by lupi on Nov 21, 2013 23:44:09 GMT -7
Thanks so much for sharing the link to your blog. Your story was beautifully written and brought tears to my eyes, as I can so easily empathize with many of your thoughts and feelings. You are fortunate to have good friends who help to lessen the pain of losing Josie.
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barbara2
New Member
Hi I'm River. I just turned 3. I had surgery on 11/13/2013. Mom is terrified and so sad
Posts: 15
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Post by barbara2 on Nov 22, 2013 4:24:58 GMT -7
OMG Carmen, I am so sorry that Josie died. In my experience there is nothing worse. What in the world happened? Her poor little body must have been very tired. Know that you did everything you could to give Josie the best. You are on my thought and prayers
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Post by Jean & Mimi on Nov 22, 2013 7:48:04 GMT -7
Your blog post was beautiful...thank you so much for sharing.
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